Let’s talk about one of those uncomfortable moments we don’t always admit out loud – when your writing friends hit milestones before you.

They…

Have a book that goes viral. 
Hit a great sales rank.
Share a glowing review. 

Meanwhile, you’re staring at your draft, wondering why it’s taking you so long.

I’ve been there. And here’s the truth: it’s human to feel that sting. It’s human to beat yourself up or want what someone else has. That little voice whispering “why not me?” doesn’t mean you’re petty or ungrateful. It means you’re alive, ambitious, and care deeply about your own success.

But here’s the catch: if you camp out in that place of comparison, it robs you of joy. You can’t build momentum or make forward progress when you’re busy tearing yourself down. 

Beating yourself up doesn’t speed your journey. It puts potholes in the road.

I have a confession. Each night when I say my prayers and list the things I’m grateful for, I give thanks for Freida McFadden. That might sound strange, but Freida’s massive success is a continual reminder of what’s possible in our industry – how many readers there are, and how hungry they are for stories. I don’t beat myself up for not being where she is. Instead, I embrace her achievements and use them to fuel what I envision for my future. 

The mental switch is an intentional one. I have to mentally remind myself when I’m scrolling through the New York Times list or Amazon Charts… It’s not “why not me,” it’s “wow, look what I could do!” And that feeling of excitement and possibility is SO much better than the feeling of envy. 

So, what can you do the next time comparison sneaks in? And what happens if that comparison is with someone you know, or who seems to be ‘just like you’?

1. Celebrate them fully. Their success doesn’t take away from yours—it proves what’s possible. Every “win” in our community opens doors for all of us.
2. Acknowledge the sting. Don’t shove it down. Say to yourself: “This hurts, and that’s okay.” Giving yourself grace makes it easier to release the feeling.
3. Use it as fuel. Instead of spiraling into doubt, ask: “What step can I take today to move closer to my own milestone?” Even a small action, such as writing 500 words or updating your blurb, counts.
4. Remember the long game. This isn’t a sprint, it’s a career. And the pace that works for you will create the kind of success you can sustain.

One of the best parts of this industry is that there isn’t a single finish line. We each have our own path, our own readers, our own timing. The more energy you pour into your own lane, the faster you’ll move forward.

You’ve got this.

-Alessandra